Overwhelmed.
It literally means to be engulfed or submerged.
For the past few days I have been feeling completely... undone.
Its not an easy thing for me to say- I really hate saying when I'm stressed. I'll cry like a water fountain, laugh silently (but violently) off my chair, and spew out all my secrets as if I have no filter- But mentioning to my friends and family when I'm stressed out or slowly unraveling? Never.
But the truth is- i am. I feel like I have control over absolutely nothing and that every portion of my life has broken away from me and scattered to who knows where..
Not only grades and school but my emotions have gone haywire, I brood and dwell on the worst thoughts, I revisit my past a thousand times, make horrible decision after horrible decision and sometimes I just turn off.
I don't know how to manage anything... My time, my thoughts, my words, my hopes. Everything is just a pile of laundry on the floor.
I'm telling you this because I'm sure you are me. At least at some point in time you have been an extreme version of me, a percentage of me, or exactly like me. Whatever has been the case, you have felt the pressure of a thousand weights upon you.
The one thought that has brought me through every drowning moment is from Psalm 139
7 Where can I go from your Spirit?
Where can I flee from your presence?
8 If I go up to the heavens, you are there;
if I make my bed in the depths, you are there.
9 If I rise on the wings of the dawn,
if I settle on the far side of the sea,
10 even there your hand will guide me,
your right hand will hold me fast.
When you are lost and feeling like you are walking with your eyes wide open in the dark... trying to see but failing miserably- and when you feel like you are sinking further and further from reality
God is always, always a constant force- weaving within your problems and piecing them together to form the perfect masterpiece of your life.
When everything is just out of your control and you feel as if you've dropped a billion marbles
God is in control. And who better to take the reigns? He is far more able than I could ever be.
